ZARANJ (Pajhwok): Some couples in southwestern Nimroz province are still paying off debts incurred for their wedding ceremonies years after getting married, while some young people remain unable to begin their married lives because they cannot afford the costs.
Social activists and experts say simplifying ceremonies and reducing social pressure could help lessen the economic consequences of these traditions.
The high costs of wedding ceremonies have caused financial difficulties for some families and young people in the province. One couple say they are still paying off their wedding debt five years after their marriage, while two other young people have been waiting for four years to begin their married lives because of disagreements over wedding expenses.
Some young people also say they have had to work several jobs simultaneously, seek financial assistance from others or consider labour migration to cover wedding costs.
Simplifying ceremonies and reducing unnecessary expenses are also among the issues highlighted in a recent decree by the supreme leader of the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan (IEA) concerning the prevention of certain improper traditions.
5 years of struggling to repay wedding debt
Syed Ahmad and Zakia, a couple who married five years ago, say they borrowed money to hold their wedding ceremony and are still struggling to repay the debt.
Syed Ahmad told Pajhwok: “Five years ago, my father arranged our wedding and incurred a debt of 700,000 afghanis. My father passed away and now my wife and I are forced to work two or three jobs simultaneously, day and night, to repay the money we owe people. We cut down on food, clothing and living expenses, but the debt still does not end. We are exhausted. I wish these traditions would disappear.”
Zakia said that she works at two schools, one private and the other public, while her husband is employed by a government department. However, after 4pm, he also works at a petrol station.
She explained that they set aside 10,000 afghanis every month to repay the wedding debt and have so far paid back 300,000 afghanis.
She added: “At that time, my parents-in-law used to say that so-and-so’s son had a grand and splendid wedding, and our son’s wedding should not be any less. They insisted that it be held in a luxury wedding hall, but they did not think about our future life.”
Years of engagement while waiting for a wedding
Zainullah and Mari, two other young people in Zaranj city, said they had been engaged for four years but had not yet been able to begin their married life because of the costs of the wedding ceremony.
Zainullah said Mari was willing to move into his home after a simple marriage ceremony and a small gathering. However, he noted that her family insisted on holding the wedding in one of the city’s luxurious wedding halls.
He said: “My future mother-in-law says, ‘My daughter is not a widow. What does she lack compared with other girls that I should let you take her to your home without a wedding ceremony? We have relatives, and people will speak ill of us. They will taunt us, saying that no wedding ceremony was held for so-and-so’s daughter.’”
He explained that he collected financial assistance from his relatives to cover the costs and also worked as a rickshaw driver in the Pul-i-Abrashem border area.
He added that he had managed to save 200,000 afghanis from his earnings for the dowry and had collected another 150,000 afghanis from people to cover wedding expenses. However, he still needed more money to meet the remaining costs.
Mujib, another young man who became engaged five years ago, said he had still been unable to begin his married life because of the high costs of the engagement celebration and wedding.
He noted that his fiancée’s family had demands beyond his financial means and that, no matter how much he worked, he could barely afford his living and medical expenses.
According to him, the situation had also put pressure on his fiancée, who had suggested holding a small gathering at home with close relatives to begin their married life. However, her father had rejected the proposal.
Mujib added that he had even proposed holding a charitable wedding ceremony, an idea his fiancée supported, but her family had refused to accept it. After five years of waiting, he had now decided to travel to Iran to work and earn enough money to cover the wedding expenses.
Mujib said: “I have not yet finished repaying the 200,000 afghanis I borrowed for the engagement celebration, and now I am forced either to borrow money for the wedding or migrate. If I work for another five years to save enough for the wedding expenses, my youth will have passed. Where is the joy of life then?”
Social pressure, preserving family honour
Meanwhile, some parents say wedding and engagement ceremonies are long-standing traditions and that abandoning them could invite criticism from others.
Asadullah, the father of Sara, whose wedding is scheduled to take place in three months, says he supports reducing expenses and the number of guests. However, he says fear of public opinion forces families to hold large ceremonies.
He said: “Wedding ceremonies, engagement celebrations and henna nights are long-standing Afghan traditions. If these ceremonies are not held, people talk about the family. We support reducing expenses and the number of guests, but if we hold a simple ceremony, people taunt us. They say there must be something wrong with our daughter because we sent her to her husband’s home without a wedding.”
According to him, after working for years to raise their children, families feel they must hold ceremonies that are acceptable to their relatives and the wider community.
This view shows that, alongside financial circumstances, social expectations and fear of being judged by others also influence families’ decisions about how to hold wedding ceremonies.
Religious perspective on extravagant spending
Mawlawi Rahmatullah, a religious scholar in Nimroz, said Islam does not oppose celebrations, feasts or wedding ceremonies. However, when expenses exceed a family’s needs and financial means and are driven by competition with others, they can amount to extravagance.
Referring to the translation of verse 31 of Surah Al-A’raf, he said: “Allah says in the Holy Quran: ‘Eat and drink, but do not be extravagant.’ Muslims should exercise moderation in spending and should not put themselves and their families under debt and financial hardship to hold a ceremony.”
He said families with limited financial means should not feel compelled to spend as much as others simply because they have held lavish ceremonies.
He added: “The value of a wedding and its celebrations does not lie in the number of guests, the cost of food or the price of gifts. What matters is that the ceremony is held in accordance with Sharia and within the family’s financial means.”
He stressed that religious scholars, mosque imams and community elders could encourage families to simplify ceremonies by raising awareness of the consequences of extravagance.
Need to change social traditions
Abdul Rahim Zori, a social activist, says families could use some of the money spent on unnecessary wedding arrangements to secure their children’s futures, pay for patients’ treatment and help people in need.
He added that changing social traditions requires time and cooperation among families, tribal elders and religious scholars. When several families in a community support simple ceremonies, he said, the social pressure on others also decreases.
Zori said hundreds of guests are invited to some weddings and other gatherings, where expensive gifts are distributed. In his view, some of this money could instead be used to help people in need, create job opportunities and support young people who have remained unmarried for years because of financial difficulties.
Meanwhile, Mohammad Rasool, a sociologist, says money spent on unnecessary wedding arrangements could instead be used to assist needy families, pay for patients’ treatment, repair roads, schools and health centres, and create employment opportunities.
According to him, making marriage difficult because of high costs can cause financial problems for some young people and force them to abandon their studies or seek work abroad.
He stressed that changing social traditions cannot be achieved through preaching alone. Families must also be confident that they will not face criticism from relatives and the community if they hold simple ceremonies.
Official decree, the role of the media in raising awareness
Information and Culture Director Mufti Habibullah Elham said the supreme leader of the IEA had recently issued a five-article decree aimed at preventing certain improper traditions associated with family gatherings, engagements, weddings, bereavements and returns from Hajj and Umrah.
According to him, the decree emphasises raising public awareness and the role of relevant ministries, the media, councils of religious scholars, preachers, mosque imams, tribal elders and influential people in implementing it.
Elham urged the media to publish reports and awareness-raising materials to inform the public about the consequences of excessive spending and the need to simplify ceremonies. He also stressed that religious scholars should address the prevention of unnecessary expenses at such events in their Friday sermons.
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