Infertility leads to separation among couples

KABUL (Pajhwok): Some couples have separated due to infertility and several women who have been divorced or abandoned due to this problem lead a difficult life.

According to religious scholars, infertile couples can take care of orphans, poor children and kids whose families have left them in hospitals, keeping in mind the Islamic Sharia.

Based on a Pajhwok report, doctors say the exact number of infertile couples in Afghanistan is not known. But given the number of those visiting doctors for reasons of infertility, the figure may be pretty high.

However, only women cannot be blamed for infertility, men can also have problem, but in most cases, infertility causes separation among couples.

Infertility causes hate among couples

Muzhda, 35, a resident of Khairkhana area of Kabul City, said: “Ten years ago, I married someone who was a friend and we tied the knot with the wish to have a very happy and good life.”

According to Muzhda, it was not even a year after that her in-laws forced her to undergo infertility treatment and even she traveled to Pakistan and India, but as a result, they found out that she had a problem and cannot become mother.

“When my husband found out that I cannot produce children, he treated me very well in the first years, but over time, his attitude changed towards me and he started beating me and subjected me to violence,” she continued.

She said five years had passed since their separation, currently her husband lives in London, but has not married for a second time.

It is not only Muzhda who was subjected to violence due to infertility and her happy life turned into hell, but there are many other women who faced such violence.

Another woman who decided to commit suicide due to infertility

Sharifa, who was always abused by her mother-in-law due to her inability to produce children, said: “Many times I decided to commit suicide, but because I’m a Muslim and suicide is strictly forbidden in our holy religion  I gave up on my decision.”

About nine years ago, she married a boy who loved her and they started a happy life, but after three years of treatment and many examinations inside and outside the country, it was found out that could not become a mother.

Sharifa, who is currently living with her spouse in a foreign country, says she was abused and subjected to violence by her mother-in-law.

A woman whose husband cannot become father

Hadiya, 35, who has been married for 12 years, but due to her husband’s health problems, she has no child.

She said: “In the beginning, when we didn’t know my husband had a problem and we couldn’t have children, my mother-in-law would abuse me a lot and would say “We spent a lot on your treatment, but you don’t get pregnant, you are worthless.”

After knowing that she could not have children, Hadiya and her husband decided to adopt a kid.

She broke into tears and said: “We suffered a lot of pain due to infertility and people would say everything.”

This young couple adopted two children from poor families who were not able to feed them.

Religious scholars

Mufti Sham-ul-Rahman Frotan, a religious scholar, told Pajhwok Afghan News: “Adopting a child is forbidden from Islamic point of view. In Surah Ahzab verse NO. 4, which is translated, Allah (sw) has not made your adopted children your real children, and the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) for a while, he adopted Hazrat Zaid bin Haris as a child, later this decision was canceled and forbidden.”

When asked what should a couple do if they don’t have children? he replied: “In this case, Islam advises if someone really does not have a child but needs to have one, she can take a child whose mother has left him in the hospital, is an orphan, or child who is without a guardian.”

“Before a child is two years old, his mother should breastfeed him, if she doesn’t have it, she can draw a drop of her own milk with the help of medicine and machine and put it in the child’s mouth.”

Mulvi Mohammad Hassan Haqyar, another religious scholar, said: “It is stated in the holy Quran: Those whom you adopt are not your sons, they are not considered an official member of your family.”

“It is permissible to adopt a child, you can use it in social relations, try to educate and give it love, but after maturity, the boy cannot be a mahram to the daughters of the family, to the young mother, and he cannot share in the inheritance.”

He added: “But another thing is, women who do not have children and adopt someone, without a doubt, they adopt a newborn, until this boy becomes young, the woman herself becomes old, in this case the problem of being a mahram is solved.”

Hafizullah Akhundzad Ahadi, another religious scholar, said: “Islam orders a better method in exchange for adopting children: call them brothers based on religious brothers, the foundations of friendship and human and social relations.”

He added that when adoption is allowed, great injustice is done to the real parents and the parents remain unknown.

This religious scholar says: “Islam maintains human societies based on true, solid and grounded rules and laws, but the phenomenon of adoption takes away the rules and foundations of family and society from the truth and makes them unfounded.”

He said: “In verses four and five of Surah Al-Ahzab, adopting a child is forbidden.”

sa/ma

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