Badal marriage generally considered illicit, proved unsuccessful

ZARANJ(Pajhwok): Some victims of Badal marriages in the country have complained about their painful living conditions and demanded a strong fight against this unpleasant tradition.

Badal is a traditional way of marriage in which the exchange of bride and grooms takes place between the two families. A Badal deal marriage’ usually means when a brother and sister from one family marry a sister and brother from another family.

Kabul woman: My brother had no money and arranged a Badal marriage at my cost; he made his life but destroyed my life.

Neilli, not a real name hailing from the Kabul Airport locality, said: “When I was 13, my brother got married through a Badal deal and I was the victim, I was immature and my mother told me that every girl should get married one day.”

She is now the mother of two sons and three daughters, said she was married to a man who was 25 years older than her, her husband was educated but an angry and aggressive person. He always lost his patience with her wife’s mistakes and beaten her to the extent that his neighbors should have often come for mediation and dispute resolution.

Neilli said: “I lived a very bitter life, our economic conditions were bad, I slept hungry at night, I was sick, I didn’t have money for a doctor, one day we had fought, I went to my mother’s house but when I come back he had moved to another place and left the house, he warned her children not to inform me, but when I found him and went his house he divorced me.”

She said her brother and brother’s wife have a happy life.

She dried up her tears with her shall and said this unpleasant tradition should be handled strictly and stressed that families, ulemas, tribal elders and media outlets should play their role in the fight against Badal marriages.

The Badal deal marriage issues are not only in Kabul but it existed in other parts of the country as well.

Maleha, 36, a resident of Kapesa province, said she was also the victim of Badal marriage and spent a painful life and lost her eyesight due to immense difficulties and problems.

“Twenty years ago my two brothers became friends with two Shiite girls, they escaped with my brothers because Shiites did not marry with Sunni people as a result the father of the two girls came to our house and demanded me from my father and warned my father of consequences in case he refused the demand.”

She said by the time of her Badal marriage she was 16 and was married to a 12-year-old boy against her will, it was the start of her painful life.

“On the day of marriage I was very disappointed when I looked at my husband, he was shorter in height than me and when he stood with me they had to put something under his feet to be matched with my height, my cousins and other relatives made fan of me,” she said.

With the time her husband was forced to work and now he is a taxi driver, they don’t have economic issues but the dreams she had all remained incomplete.

“The most disappointing thing is the childish behavior of my husband; he has no sense and could not understand my feelings. My brothers have happy lives with their wives,” she said.

Sabza Gul, a resident of Zaranj City in Nimroz province, said: “The Badal marriage is practiced in our family for generations; I had a Badal marriage and did not get any good from my life.”

She said Badal is an illicit tradition that is not only practiced in her family but in other families of the village. Families organize Badal marriages in order to reduce the cost of marriage.

“I was unlucky, my daughter was 4 days old when my husband promised his cousin to give her to his son in Badal, although they were my brother’s children but still I was never happy about the Badal marriage,” she said.

She said her daughter was 14 and her son was 16 when the other side demanded marriage and the reception was organised. But less than two years of their marriage differences emerged between the couple due to the age difference their marriage could not last and matter reached to divorce.

“Our children suffered due to Badal deal that we struck our friendship and relationship ended and now we are surprised what would happen to the future of our divorced children, I have no information about my brother, all our happiness had gone.”

Sanobar, a resident of Herat city is another victim of Badal marriage. She said due to economic problems her family was unable to bring a bride for his brother therefore when she was 13-year-old she was married in a Badal deal so that her brother could be married as well.

She said her brother persecuted his wife and always beat her until he divorced her.

She added: “My brother did not like his wife, the married was by force, after giving birth to a child he divorced his wife, in response my husband got a second marriage, now my life is miserable, I don’t have enough food and clothes, I face persecution and torture daily.”

She said due to immense persecution and torture sometimes she decided to leave the house and go to her mother’s house but the love of her children did not allow her to do so.

She also said that the Badal marriage tradition should be eliminated so that no other women could face difficulties and bad life.

Badal marriage has consequences: Experts

Nasrin Hameedi, a women’s affairs expert, said: “Unfortunately the Badal marriage culture has a history in Afghanistan; It is an illicit practice still exists.”

She termed willingness vital in the matter of marriage and said most of the time marriage is enforced on girls by families. The option of yes or no is the girl’s right.

Shaima Mohammadi, a women’s rights activist in Nimroz, said: “Badal marriages are practiced in the far-flung areas of our country and even cities, most families performed Badal to reduce the marriage cost and it was an option to escape from Walwar.”

She said: “Most Badal marriages are problematic and parties referred to us, when they refused to continue with their marriage then we referred them to judicial organs, problems in the life of one couple affected the life of another couple and finally the issue ended up with divorce, in this situation children lost their parents and suffered a lot,” she said.

Religious Scholar Noorullah Kawsar said that Badal which is called Shagar in Islamic terminology is Haram. In Badal there is no Mehar, one girl served as the Mehar of another girl and it is religiously illegal.

“The Badal marriage practiced in Afghanistan in which one family gives its daughter to another and marries daughter from the same family for its son is legal but it has consequences.”

“These types of marriages cause disputes and problems between families, when one side is persecuted the other side also does the same, one side gets second marriage another side also does the same thing, if one side is deprived of her rights the other side is also deprived.”

Kawsar said experiences had shown that traditional marriages are unsuccessful; families must hear the choices of their children about marriage.

Mufti Habibullah Elham, head of the Information and Cultural Affairs Department, termed Badal marriage an illicit practice and tradition and said this type of Nikah is spread among people as a culture and there was a need for efforts and hard work to eradicate this culture.

Referring to the cost of marriage, he said the cost of marriage should be reduced and the demand for a high amount of Walwar should be discouraged and eliminated.

“The way you give importance to your sons’ marriages, you should give importance to your daughters’ marriages as well because girls are always suppressed in Afghan society,” he said in his message to the people.

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