Gul Bashara was 5 months old when betrothed to resolve feud

ZARANJ (Pajhwok): Gul Bashara, now 30, was less than five months old when betrothed to a 20-year-old boy in order to settle a dispute between two families in southwestern Nimroz province. She now urges other families to never make deal on the fate of their daughters.

Gul Bashara, a victim of bad customs, spoke to Pajhwok in Zaranj, the capital of Nimroz.

Her weak body and tired face reflect her ordeal and bitter past of being given in marriage. She speaks slowly with no sign of a smile on her face.

When asked her about her life story, she said, “My life story is bitterer than you think. My life has been as black as my clothes since birth. I am the most unlucky woman on earth.”

She was given in marriage when she was just five months old to a boy 20 years her senior to resolve a feud between two families.

How the feud started?

According to Gul Bashra, her grandfather went to Farah province from Zaranj city 50 years ago as a volunteer teacher and there he established ties with a family from Gulistan district.

Gul Bashra’s grandfather betrothed his daughter to a boy from the same family at birth and returned to Zaranj city after some time. His daughter was six years old when he enrolled her in school against the wishes of the Farahi family, which led to the breakup of the engagement and enmity between the two families.

According to Gul Bashra, ten years later, the Farah family filed a complaint against them and Gul Bashra’s uncle was imprisoned on the charge of marrying off their son’s fiancé to someone else.

In order to get Gul Bashra’s uncle released from prison and end this enmity, elders of the area suggested that Gul Bashra’s family should name another girl to the opposing family so that the enmity would end. The end of the conflict gave birth to another bitter story.

Gul Bashara, who was only five months old at the time and did not even know how to breastfeed properly, was involved in a decision that changed her fate and she did not know what kind of future the elders had planned for her.

She is currently 30 years old, but due to hardships and sorrows of life, she looks older than her age.

She spent seven springs of her life with her family and played childish games when came to Zaranj city to get married. After a simple ceremony, she was taken to Gulistan district of Farah.

Gul Bashra says in a calm voice: “From where to start my bitter life story… I married a man many times older than me or because he was addicted to drugs. My husband could neither provide for me nor protect me.”

According to her, because her husband was addicted to drugs and did not work, her father’s family took care of her and her children’s expenses and still supports her.

Now a mother of three, she says that she has spent 27 years of her life with great difficulty and in the hope that her children will be able to support her in her old age.

Gul Bashra’s eldest child is her 17-year-old son. He works in the fields and plays an important role in providing for his family.

Gul Bashra says: “My son works in the fields. We also have a few sheep. Thankfully, my life is a little better now.”

Her daughter is 15 years old and helps her mother with household chores. When they are alone together, she comforts her mother and listens to her bitter stories.

Gul Bashra: Don’t sacrifice your daughters

Gul Bashra says that she protects her daughter and will never allow her only daughter to fall victim to the wrong customs and traditions of the society.

She asks other families to protect their daughters, not to force them into marriage, not to give them away in bad customs before or after birth.

Another story of a girl in Nimroz

It is not just Gul Bashra who is a victim of such bad customs, but many girls have faced such a fate and have lived a life full of pain.

Another resident of Zaranj city, Sara, is also a victim of the decision of her family elders. She was betrothed to a cousin a few moments after birth, before she could even reach her mother’s arms.

According to Sara, when she was born, the local midwife handed her over to her grandmother, who looked at her face and said to her mother, who had not yet held her in her arms. “This girl is for Jawad.”

Sara was born in a remote area of Zaranj city and was not yet 12 years old when her fiancé’s father, who was her uncle, decided to marry Sara and Jawad.

Going silent for a moment, Sarah, with a cold smile, continued her story: “At that time, I didn’t know anything about marriage. I wanted to go to school and study like other girls… But no one listened to me and didn’t pay attention to my words.”

Her wedding ceremony was simple and she reluctantly went to her husband’s house, a place where her mother’s love was not there, but she had to face the bad behavior of her husband’s mother, and fight bad actions of her husband and his family.

With her small hands she had to prepare food for several family members, wash everyone’s clothes, and finally take care of all the housework.

Tormented by her husband’s bad behavior, she said: “My husband kicked me in the stomach, saying I didn’t want you, and because of these beatings, I lost my baby twice.”

However, a year later, Sara’s brother goes to Herat city to visit his sister. When he hears about the violence that happened to his sister, he brings his sister to Nimroz.

Sara’s story is bitter but it soon ends; because her family decided to divorce her so that the girl could teach and get an education, and promised that they would not force her to marry if Sarah did not want to.

Religious scholars: Forced marriages and giving girls in marriage are bad practices and have no place in Islam

A religious scholar in Nimroz, Maulvi Gul Ahmad Ahmadi, referred to forced marriages, underage marriages, and giving girls in marriage, saying that these are bad practices that have no place in Islam.

He added: “Giving girls in marriage is still practiced in some rural areas and even in cities. Despite the efforts of religious scholars, un-Islamic and inhumane traditions have not been eradicated due to the ignorance of the people.

According to him, although this bad practice is followed by some people to resolve disputes, they are unaware about their consequences.

Ahmadi said: “After marriage, the girl is oppressed. When her father wants to take her daughter home, he is not allowed. This is where another dispute begins and this dispute continues for the rest of her life.”

He said the holy religion of Islam recommends that anyone who commits a crime should be punished, not by making his family’s daughters victims in exchange for the crime.

He added: “If a girl is given in marriage by her heirs or father in exchange for any crime, this marriage is wrong from the perspective of Islam and the girl can approach the judge and the marriage is annulled at that moment. Islam does not accept such marriages; because the Quran clearly states that crime is a personal act, whoever commits a crime must be punished or be retaliated and pay blood money. Blood money is cash and property, not a daughter, sister, or human being.”

Government: Seriously fighting against bad customs

Mawlawi Allah Noor Zarqawi, head of the Nimroz vice and virtue and Complaints Hearing Department, told Pajhwok Afghan News that they were fighting to defend women’s rights in accordance with what Islam has given them.

Mawlawi Zarqawi added: “We are also in touch with religious scholars and women’s cases are resolved in consultation with scholars. Scholars also preach to prevent bad customs such as giving girls away in ‘bad marriages’.”

According to him, in the past year, they resolved 28 cases of violence against women, including 13 cases of forced marriages.

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