High dowries, wedding costs drive Afghan youth to risky migration

KABUL (Pajhwok): Although marriage is meant to bring happiness and stability in one’s life, in parts of Afghanistan, exorbitant dowries and costly wedding expenses have become major obstacles, disrupting the lives and futures of many young people.

Some, forced to uphold these expensive traditions, have resorted to migration. These youth are calling for action against such harmful customs.

Dowry refers to money or property given by the groom’s family to the bride’s family, usually considered part of the wedding expenses or the “price” of the bride.

Abdullah, 35, originally from Kabul, who has spent the past ten years living in exile—lonely by day and longing by night—told Pajhwok Afghan News that he was forced to leave his homeland because of an exorbitant dowry.

He said, “At that time, I was 25 and had proposed a girl I loved. But when I couldn’t afford the dowry, I was left with no choice but to migrate—a journey that still continues.”

He added, “The girl I loved was from a province where high dowries are the norm, and not paying them is considered shameful. They saw demanding a high dowry as a way of showing their daughter’s worth.”

The girl’s family, in addition to other wedding expenses, set a dowry of one million afghanis—an amount that was difficult, even impossible, for Abdullah and his family to pay. He was a university student at the time, and his family was of modest means.

Driven by the hope of marrying the girl of his dreams, Abdullah took a difficult and winding path, first arriving in Iran, then moving to Turkey.

He worked day and night, saving money with the hope of returning home to hold the engagement ceremony.

But fate had other plans. “Before four years of my migration had even passed, I found out that the girl I wanted to marry had gotten engaged and married to someone else.”

The heartbreak of losing his beloved devastated Abdullah. He vowed to remain single for life and instead sent all the money he had saved to his younger brother, so he could marry and not suffer the same unfulfilled dream.

Abdullah urges families to reject such cultural practices that ruin young lives, calling for serious efforts to end them.

But Abdullah is not alone. Asadullah, 28, from Herat, is another among many young men now working at a construction site in Zahedan, Iran. He says he came here to earn money for the dowry.

He added that four years ago he got engaged to a girl whose family demanded 400,000 afghanis as dowry—an amount his family could not afford. So, he left for Iran to work.

He said, “These very bricks I’m laying to build these buildings… maybe one day they’ll help build my life too.”

Meanwhile, Malali (not real name), a resident of Kabul, says that two years ago she engaged her son to her niece.

However, her sister’s husband demanded a dowry of 1 million afghanis. Her son, who owned a small mobile repair shop, couldn’t afford it and was forced to go to Iran.

With tears in her eyes, she said, “My son lost his life on the way to Iran. My poor boy left from here healthy, but came back lifeless.”

The grieving mother, broken by the loss of her only son, said: “Taking dowry is like selling your daughter. Whoever takes dowry ruins their daughter’s life. She’ll be taunted for it her entire life.”

Experts

Noorullah Kawsar, a member of the Academy of Sciences of Afghanistan and a religious scholar, told Pajhwok: “Without a doubt, Islam encourages simplicity and natural living. Muslims are advised to live modestly and avoid extravagance.”

He explained that Islam promotes the best kind of marriage as the one that is simple and has the lowest mahr (bridal gift).

He continued, “These incorrect traditions—whether from the bride’s or the groom’s family—are rejected and unlawful in Islam. They lead to many problems: religious, social, ethical, and family disputes. These kinds of marriages result in moral issues in society and push youth toward sin.”

Kawsar said everyone must unite to eliminate such harmful customs. He emphasized that media, religious scholars, teachers, and others should raise awareness to stop these costly and undesirable traditions.

Abdul Basir Turki, an economic affairs expert, says that given the poor economic conditions of most people, demanding high dowries and hosting expensive weddings is not appropriate because people simply cannot afford them.

He added, “Unfortunately, some customs we now see are neither part of Islam nor traditional Afghan culture. I don’t even know where they came from. Many young people have to go abroad just to pay for wedding costs, and sadly, some lose their lives in the process.”

He said, “We’ve seen families who, in order to afford hotel weddings, sell assets like houses, land, or cars. After the wedding, they end up unemployed and in debt. Many are then forced to leave the country and spend years away from their wives and children.”

He called on the Islamic Emirate to put an end to such harmful traditions, as they have led to tragic consequences.

At the same time, Qais Mohammadi, another economic expert, said: “In Afghanistan, many young people borrow money for wedding expenses and remain in debt for years, living in hardship and poverty.”

He also urged the government to fight these negative customs so people can be freed from such burdens.

sa/ma